i miss writing

:(

Surprise bbm message

So I was on facebook chatting with a friend back in DR. We used to be neighbors. He was telling me how I never showed interest in dating him and that he was totally into me. He said that that last day he went to my house he wanted to jump on me. Then he asked me how guys were treating me here in the USA. I told him tat I'm not a pretty girl and that guys are kinda pussys. He said that he was a total pussy with me but when he comes to the state he won't be. He logs off and 5 minutes later I get a bbm. When I got check it its from him, when I open it ITS A PICTURE OF HIS COCK!!!! I just bursted into laugh! I almost chocked laughing! I ignored him. Haven't talked to him since that day!!! These things only happen to me, tsk tsk . . .
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Darren chris broke my heart

Today Darren Chris's acoustic concert tickets went on sale at 4. By 4 o 5 tickets were sold out :(!!!! Didn't get to buy it :( I wanted to go so bad!!!!!
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My life is pretty pathetic right now

I have a crush on a guy that doesn't like me, i fool around with one that has a girlfriend, just because he's the only one who's remotely interested in me. I'm back with living with my parents. I have no car. I hate my job. i have no friends, i never go out. This just plainly sucks. And right now i feel bad cause the boy that has a girlfriend, Alex, never makes time to see me. that's the most pathetic of all. And I'm telling him tomorrow. That either he finds time, or we should just be regular friends. The thing is i can't complain to god about not having a boyfriend, cause he did give me Ronald, but then again, Ronald hurt me. God, i just want a nice one who loves me for once, I'm getting old here. I wanted to be a young mom. I think i deserve it, i don't go on hurting people or doing bad stuff. I've been more than good. My parents are proud of me. I'm nice to everyone. I'm an excellent friend. So i don't see why he keeps on throwing this tests at me. Just friends, it doesn't have to be a boyfriend, although i would loooove it if David liked me back <3 .

Testing mobile blogging

So now I'm going to be able to write most of what I think through mobile blogger :D
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TROUBLE

I'm kinda really liking a lot the fireman kid. That's not good. I don't see him liking me back. Even though he gave me a ride home yesterday and we flirted all day. He tickled me. I don't know. He saved a puppy from the street, gave him a bath and a home. Looking through his pic on FB, he's kissing a baby and has a lot of pics of the same baby. <3<3<3 Can he get any better??????

i should write a book with all my thoughs...

The thing is, I'm too lazy. and i love to procrastinate. I was supposed to write on this blog daily. I don't. So much goes through my mind all the time. I wish i could write it all. See, if i get distracted i loose my "wind" hahahah, well, maybe next time. I still have the worst luck with guys :( hmmm. Lets talk a little about guys. The last you heard off i think was the bellman and the guy from the stadium. The bellman and i are still very good friends. and the stadium boy was such a bad kisser than we are facebook friends :P. Then there's Alex, the front desk guy, so nice, not that cute, not my type at all. But he gave me attention, made me feel pretty and wanted, i started liking him, just like the bellman, motherfucker has a girlfriend. But me and my lonely pathetic life, i decided to go with it. We've only made out and exchanged some nudy pics :P. But he has come to show his real duchy face at times. What can i expect really. He's just play time till i find a replacement. Since the hotel is the only place i "socialize" there are two more guys i kinda like. There's Steve, the Starbucks guy, not really cute, but his smile, big fat lips and dimple make him cute enough. He's funny, but hates Dominicans. Most of our conversations are me trying to prove that all Dominicans are not the same, and me also proving that i don't like one of the drivers, that he keeps insisting i do. By the way, Steve was born in the USA but his parents are from Peru. And then there's David, the other front desk guy. I didn't really like him but I've talked to him a couple of times, and he is hilarious, and kinda really cute. He's also a FIREMAN, how sexy is that, and I've punched him a couple of times and he be strong. Soooo hot :P He was also born here, but his parents are from Peru too. Those are the guys i "like". NOW, the ones that i think like me that i don't like. Miguel, some fat guy from the hotel, he's nice and all, but naah. Jonathan, one of the drivers, so stupid, hate his haircut, this is the one Steve keeps bothering me with. And then Jorge, i don't like him either, his also a driver. I don't want to sound shallow or anything, but they have nothing to offer me. They don't keep me entrained. I think this is all i have to say for now.

its been a while

hey, im still alive. a lot of crap has happened, but im still struggling...

be back soon

Happy New Year!!! 2011

Aaaahhhh... new years, the night everyone waits for. The night everyone gets all dressed up to get mad drunk and say goodbye to the old year and welcome the new one. Such an amazing night to most, such a depressing night to me. As you know i have changed my life completly with moving to another country and changing about everything, im back at my parents, no cars, no real job, no friends. So what is there to look foward in new years really???

Well, at the hotel i've been working on, i made a friend, not only Sergio, but a girl. She invited me to a party for new years, so i got all pretty, washed my hair, painted my nails, and figured out what to wear, as the night came, she canceled our plans because her mom didnt lend her the car. So i called sergio, and we figured out some plans. At midnight i was at home in my pjs helping sergio look for a bar where his 20 year old friends could go in and dance. We found one (i forgot to mention that sergio crashed his car and is now carless) he said he would pick me up with his friends to go get ready. And i did, i got really pretty. When i was done, alot of time had passed by and no signal from sergio. After an hour or so, he got online and told me his friends were at his house and that none of them wanted to come pick me up, that he was waiting for another friend to come pick me up. Well as it comes out, the other friend wouldn't pick me up either, so sergio got mad and stayed home too. I put my pjs back on and chatted or a while with sergio and then went to sleep...

Happy New Year!!!

Mind you that One of his friends that was at his house,  just through away a scarf my mom has just given to me as a Christmas present on the first Christmas  my family was together in years. And the other friend that didn't pick me up, i had gone out with Sergio one night and he was there and i paid for everyone's drink even his, and he wouldn't pick me up!!!

This is me all dressed up to stay home....

The boy that ruined my 6th Grade...

When i was in the 6th grade and all through school, i was an outcast. I wasn't like every other six grader that were already dating and making out, or going to parties. I think i still played with dolls. Anyways for valentines teachers would make us play a secret santa, but valentines version, we call it "angelito". Like "little angel". We all had to pull a name out of the bag and get them a present for 3 weeks or 4. Each week the present went from a chocolate to something bigger. For the last angelito, everyone got either a CD, stuffed animal, clothes or what ever. Well to my luck, the boy who pulled my name was Ronald Zorrilla, and for the last angelito, well, he claims he forgot, so he took one of his sisters stuffed animal, washed it, perfumed it and wrapped it with newspaper and gave it to me. I was heart broken and mad. That he did for valentines...

For my birthday that year, i made a water party, all my classmates went to my house and were having fun getting soaked with the hose. Well Mr. Ronald had to fall and break his chin, my mom had to end the party and take him to the hospital.... 

So my six grade was ruined by him... But that's not all... Thanks to today's modern days and Facebook, i got in touch with him, because he is American, and lived in NY, he only lived in DR for he six grade and went back. And we never ever heard of him again, till 2009..... But i'm still not ready to talk about him after the six grade...

Chichila de papá

Chichila de papá... that's how my daddy used to call me. I miss him alot. He died of cancer when i was 15. He was sick since i was about 8 or 9. So as you can imagine, that made me grow up sooner than i was supposed to. I had to help my mom out, with my dad and my lil brother. I grew up ok i guess... but my brother not so much, the whole thing with my dad really screwed him up. In my case i helped my mom out alot. I helped around the house, with my brother, even with my dad. I would go with them to doctors appointment, i would sleep in the hospital when he had surguries. When he got really really sick, that he could walk and had to wear dipers, i would clean up after him too, Change his dippers and all. 

I grew up to be just like him, Strong (at least i pretend to be), a fighter, loving, caring, he was funny :), and a menace sometimes. I really love him.

I learned to fight, and never give up from him, to work until you get what you want. My dad, he didn't want to die (nobody does), but, he was determined not to. He would search for any treatment, he would do anything that was supposed to battle and kill his cancer. And to make him stop working, that was our daily fight, he had his own company that he built from scratch... He would never stop working. 

He was a big bellied man :), and when i was a baby i used to fall asleep in that big belly. As i grew up i still fell asleep on it. Only this time only my head could be on top of it.

When i picture him in my head, i see him smiling, he was always smiling, even when he was really sick.

The day he died, i remember i got home from school and went directly to my brothers room with my brother. I didn't go say hi to my dad like i always did, something told me not to, something told me to stay in my brothers room (which was the one farthest away from my parents room) and protect my brother. My mom called us and ask us "Kids, arent you going to say hi to your dad". But i couldnt. Something told me not to, and also, there were visitors in my house, cheking up on my dad. And i dont like it when the house was crowded. Anyways, moments later i heard some movements and my mom, she sounded despareate, i heard her call my dad desperatly, i covered my ears, then i heard her scream "NOOOOO, MATIAS", matias, thats my dad. So immediatly i knew, my dad was dead... My mom and nana came into the room, huged us, the old ladies came (the visitors), and asked us to go say goodbye to my dad, i refused... I couldnt go out of that room, i couldnt see my dad dead. I never could really see dead people. I remember him being pulled away like in those crime movies, covered with some sheets. But never saw his face or body. 

At the funeral home, i didn't go inside to the room he was in. I refused to see him dead, and to my personal opinion, i don't think its ok to force someone to see a dead body, i didn't want my last memory of my dad to be him being dead, is that a crime? People kept saying i needed closer, FUCK CLOSER, i just wanted to remember my father alive. And i don't regret it.

As i told you, i used to take care of him, so when i was alone at home with him, i would check up on him alot. So one day i was in the phone mith a friend and told him, "i'll be right back give me a second" and went to my parents room and open the door to check up on my dad. Well he wasn't there, his corner was empty, i forgot he was dead, i forgot he wasnt there anymore. So you can imagine how empty i felt, how sad. I always thought it was unfair, to take my dad away from me so young, even more unfair to my brother, he grew up without a man figure in the house, and he couldn't step up to the position either. I have siblings, other than my younger brother, but when my dad died they disappear from our lives. My dad has to be really disappointed in them, its 4 of them. They are from my dads side. But we are still there youngest siblings that had a hard time growing up, and could have used their support.

This is what i can say for now of my daddy, there is still more to come.

Trip to Paraguay

So yes,  Sergio, he's from Paraguay, the bell boy of the Sheraton, the one that came like in two minutes that was kinda avoiding me... well he got in touch, he's really nice and we have done it a couple of times again, the last one was pretty good.  I hate that i like him, not like, like him like him. but, I'm really attracted to him, he's so hot, and i like hanging with him. he said, that he hadn't been unfaithful to his gf until me.... i find that hard to believe, but we never know...

Last time we hooked up he said we had to stop, that he felt guilty... so we've been friends since then... I told him he didn't have to pretend to be my friend, that we could just stop talking if he wanted to, but he said he really liked hanging out with me that he wanted to be my friend... He's been a good friend, when he appears. 

I got him his favorite perfume for xmas, it's not sold in the US. I had to ask my cousin from Germany to send it over... He was really happy when he saw i got it, and surprised. He doesn't have a girlfriend anymore, but he hasn't tried any move on me either.... i just hate my luck with boys.